Monday, 06 July 2009

• A Thinking Man's Breakfast

  So I got up this morning , marveled at my sexy bod , and then sat down to do some thinking. Normally I try hard to avoid that kind of strenuous activity but there comes a time when a man's got to do what a man's got to do.

  I overheard some guys going into the Post Office talking about hunting. I'm seriously thinking of taking it up. The one guy said he had great luck hunting wringed neck peasants on his farm. I think even I could shoot a wringed neck peasant. They couldn't move too fast. I'm pretty sure.A head shot might be kind of hard with the head lolling all over the place, but I could hit the body. I'm pretty sure.

  Sitting outside on my little porch is a very interesting way to start the day. I like drinking my breakfast out there. I get angry at all the old farts who think they can still drive, taking 4 minutes to get the wheels of their non power steering cars turned into the Post Office parking lot. They can hardly see over the dashboard and move slower than Moe's asses when they do manage to extricate themselves out of the car. I personally have never seen Moe's asses but a lot of people have told me how slow they are, particularly in winter. My friend in Louisiana has an ass but I have never asked her how slow it is.

  Personally I think we should have a hunting season on old farts driving cars. You know, survival of the fitness. I'd even allow them to shoot back. I could hit them too. I'm pretty sure.

  I had three days worth of breakfast out there. Better safe than sorry. I heard somewhere people are starving, didn't get the location though.They might have been talking about my town, so I didn't risk it. As I sat there two women came out of the Post Office. I know these women , they are both in love with me ( poor things), they saw me watching my world and one of them yelled with a big flourish of her arm "All the World's Of Age!"

  I didn't know that. I quickly asked some kids going by if they wanted to join me for a beer. They could have been one of those starving ones for all I knew. They couldn't have been too undernourished because they ran away pretty quickly. Just means I have more for lunch.

  Before I start lunch I have to hobble over to the drugstore for some Qtips, the other night my elbow got stuck in my ear. Now I know what you're thinking "Bricker didn't you clean your ears last January?" The answer is yes I did, and people liked the resulting sculpture so much I decided to do it again.

  After lunch I'm going to look for a movie I heard two chicks leaving the Post Office talking about...Low Tide and the Seven Wharves, supposed to be a classic.

  Lunch time.

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